My heart

So I don't know how this is going to come across but it's what's in my heart and I want to say it. Since I've gotten pregnant, everyone has been talking about my having a daughter. Believe me, that's what I desire more than anything else. I've told people before that not having a daughter is like living with a hole in my heart! Growing up I always imagined my life as a Mommy to a couple of daughters. Maybe it was because I only had a sister and the bond we have with our Mom is unbreakable! Maybe it's because I always dreamed about dressing them up and doing their hair. Whatever it is, it's there and it's stronger than it has ever been.

I have a hard time when we're in a store and I see families who have little girls. Especially when they have all little girls and they aren't clean and their hair is a disaster. I'm telling the truth when I say that I've spoken with God about my judgment of those parents. He knows I don't feel it's completely "fair." It's a personal issue that I'm working on!

Right now as I sit just one week away from finding out what we will be blessed with, it's hard. My emotions are high and my heart is on edge. People keep asking "Will you really be okay if it's another boy?" "Do you think you'll have a meltdown on the ultrasound table?" "Are you going to cry depending on what you find out?" The answer is, I don't know! I honestly can't say how that day will be spent. I'm sure it will be full of emotion no matter what the outcome.

God says he gives us the desires of our hearts and I'm trying to trust that. I also know that He is in control and if He knows that another boy is best, then that's what I will have to trust. One day I will understand His reasons but until then I rest in His will for our family and my life!