Recover and Discover

 A neighbor came down about a year ago and asked if I wanted an old picnic table for my boys. I jumped on it. Unfortunately, it was pretty beat up so we've just used it as an outside table. Then I found this link on Pinterest and realized how easy it would be to recover it. It was so cute and I couldn't resist giving it a try!

Before...

After...

Judge Not...

Recently I was talking with a friend and got on a subject where I realized later just how bad I was judging someone else and their actions. I felt really guilty about it as I lay in bed that night. My heart was in the wrong place and I know that now. I then started thinking about a few verses I know about judging others...

Matthew 7:2
For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.

Wow! I will be judged by the standard I judge others with? That's a tough thought for me. I can be pretty harsh when looking at others but do I really want to look at myself the same way?

Romans 2:3
Since you judge others for doing these things, why do you think you can avoid God’s judgment when you do the same things?

Again, what am I thinking when I judge others? Should I not be worried that I am doing some of these same things? Is my heart in the right place?

Ecclesiastes 3:17
I said to myself, “In due season God will judge everyone, both good and bad, for all their deeds.”

It is not up to me to judge those in my life. That's God's job and I'm sure He can handle it much better than I can anyway. So from now on, I'm going to strive to let Him be the judge and trust that He has it taken care of. I know it won't be easy because human nature will cause me to stray but I want my heart to be in the right place.

Do you ever struggle with judging others? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

When Life Gets Flipped

I don't know how else to explain the way I feel but to say that life has been flipped upside down lately. Things aren't like they used to be. I get so worn out easily and the kids know it. My attitude is much more on edge than I'd like to admit. I struggle to keep it together when there are four children yelling, goofing off, banging things and making noise. My ears actually hurt and feel like someone is sticking pins in them at points during the day!

I know God has a plan! I know He has a purpose! I keep trusting that it will all be revealed in His time!

Today I'm trying to focus on the good and find the silver linings but it's not always easy.

Please continue to pray for strength, patience and understanding of this crazy disease and the effects on my body!!

Steroids

I love to hate steroids! At first I loved the steroids because they took away the pain, discoloration of my gums, bloody noses and more. It was amazing to be able to walk without join pain. I wasn't embarrassed to open my mouth to speak or smile at people because my gums looked terrible. What an amazing drug!

Then the side effects started. I noticed my face getting more round. I told my Mom I looked like a chipmunk and she jokingly said "You'll be a cute little chipmunk for Fall!" Nice one, Mom. Then I noticed that my jeans were feeling a bit snug in the waist which I've never struggled with... I'm more of the jeans being tight in the rear/thigh/hip area.

Plus, they make me super cranky! I feel like I want to crawl out of my own skin some days. I am on edge with the boys and Jeff. I feel like I can lose my mind at the drop of a hat. It's NOT a pleasant feeling or the way I want to live my life and love on my family.

So I saw the doctor on Friday and thought for sure I could convince her to start weaning me off the steroids but she said no. In fact, she said we can't start that until we get the Cytoxan (chemo) higher. I will be starting to double those meds next week sometime. Not sure how I feel about either of those ideas. I had no idea we were going to be upping them at all. Sounds like this may only be the beginning of treatment.

I'm supposed to be walking 4 miles per day and eating more "rabbit" food and protein. I started off well yesterday so we'll see if I can work up to 4 miles per day. That's quite a bit when you're trying to drag 4 kids along. Hoping I can find an inexpensive treadmill to be able to walk at home.

I'm trying not to feel discouraged right now but it's really hard. I know God has a plan in all of this and I want so bad to just know right now what that is! Pray that I can stay positive and keep looking ahead. I will remain confident in this... I WILL see the goodness of the LORD!!

Spread out

Having 4 children is fun! We never really had a set number or a set number of years apart we wanted our children. We just knew we loved kids. Once we had Josh we knew we wanted him to have a sibling so we started trying when he was maybe 16 months? Can't remember exactly but I know it felt like it took forever to actually get pregnant! I remember times when I would just cry and cry because I thought we'd never have another baby. Finally it happened and along came Seth. Then we decided to try again, in hopes of a girl and along came Jacob. Then I got pregnant again and Jordan surprised us all.

Life sure is challenging when you have 4 boys, each 3 years apart...

There is 5th grade homework and diapers being changed.
We have two kids losing teeth and one just popping in his baby molars.
The oldest is practicing trumpet while the youngest needs a nap.
There's skim milk and whole milk in the fridge.
Three can get their own snacks and I'm still cutting up food for the baby.

It is definitely spread out and crazy but it's the way we roll around here. I wouldn't change it for anything! It has given us the opportunity to enjoy each boy in each stage of his life. We celebrate the big and little victories of every day life together. God has truly blessed our family!

Family Fun Fact... This summer the boys all turned a year older 10, 7, 4 and 1... the years they were born 2001, 2004, 2007, 2010. Kind of cool, huh?

The Diagnosis... part 2

My next step was to see an ENT. I got in right away with him but wasn't thrilled. The appointment felt very rushed and he wasn't the nicest guy. He shoved a tube down my nose and looked around near my voice box. It was painful and I gagged a lot. Oh well, I've had worse! He sent me for a sinus CT to make sure there were no serious masses on top of other issues.

The results came back negative and he said my sinuses were beautiful. Nice, huh? This appointment went very well and he agreed that I did have Wegener's Granuloma. I liked him more at that point because he wasn't sticking tubes down my nose! Anyway, he suggested that I see a Rheumatologist and possibly a Pulmonologist and Immunologist.... you get the "gist" Ha!

Scheduled my appointment and got in with the Rhuematologist. She wasn't very friendly either. What's up with these doctors? Anyway, they asked tons of questions. I was asked to strip to my undies and put on a gown.... good thing I wore my nice, new ones! They poked and touched about everything on my body. Asked more questions but didn't give much info. Took 8 vials of blood and a urine sample. It was so much fun, I could have stayed all day!

I had to go for a TB test on Friday and that came back negative on Monday. No surprise but I guess it had to be done. Tomorrow I'm scheduled for a high resolution chest CT. We'll see how that goes. This will be the third time I've been to that radiologist in the past few weeks so I'm expecting to see my name in lights on one of the rooms.

Next week I'll see the Rheumatologist again and hopefully get some answers. I was given some info to read about the new drugs they want to start me on. They sound thrilling and the side effects sound heavenly... NOT! They are types of chemo drugs so I'm not sure what all is involved. A friend of mine that's a nurse said it was probably be intravenously but I won't know the details until I talk with the doctor.

So far the steroids haven't been too bad. They put me in a foggy state and I can't always focus on what's going on around me. My gums look better, my voice is stronger and my joints aren't aching so that is a huge plus! I guess we'll see where this journey takes me. For now I'm trusting that it's all in God's plan and I can't wait to see where He takes me next!!

The Diagnosis

It's been a rough couple of months around here. Back in April, I started getting terrible headaches. Then I noticed my gums bleeding. Not just when I brushed or ate but just here and there. It was weird. I mentioned it to the doctor who brought up some different ideas and thoughts. They sent me for blood work and said to take Motrin for pain.

After about a month and no change, I decided to seek another doctor's opinion. He adjusted my neck and back, ran more blood tests, sent me for an MRI and gave me a new prescription for migraine medicine. The MRI came back clean which was a praise! The migraine medicine seemed to help with the headaches so I was happy.

However, my gums were not only bleeding but they were turning colors now. I made an appointment at the dentist to see what they thought. They took tons of xrays and did a thorough check up. The dentist gave me a referral to see an oral surgeon. I wasn't sure what to think at that point. I knew something was up but I didn't know exactly what.

Thankfully, a friend from church works in the oral surgeon's office and got me an appointment right away. He came in and took a look and had some scary news for me... he thought I was showing signs of Leukemia or Lymphoma. So I had to go for blood work and he put a STAT order on it. The results came back the next morning and they were negative. Another huge praise! That leaves you wondering what it could possibly be though. His office scheduled me for a gum biopsy that same Saturday. It wasn't too painful and it only took a few minutes. He suggested that day that they were looking at a couple different diseases and one of them was Wegener's Granuloma. I had no idea what that was but was thankful they were taking it seriously!

I went home to wait for the results and look up this new disease. Probably not the best idea to google something like that. You will see every scary thing that has ever happened to people! Oh well, I was curious and couldn't just sit at home and wait, right?

Later that week I went back to the regular doctor to talk with them about possible infections in my sinus and chest area. They started me on another antibiotic and a small dose of steroids. Plus, sent me for more blood work. This time doing an actual test for Wegener's Granuloma.

The blood work and the biopsy both came back positive for it. So there was my answer. Now I knew what I had but what to do with it... continued on a later post...